What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize