Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
