oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
