Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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