i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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