Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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