Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
