the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
