Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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