I think I won the penis lottery.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
