So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
