one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He did a backflip because drugs
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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