Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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