i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You've changed since you got that strap on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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