I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can text with my tongue
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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