Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
