whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry about my life...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
