I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
