I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
