Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drake has all the answers
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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