i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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