You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
