So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
