My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
