oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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