i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
