i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
