I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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