I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
