I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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