I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize