to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
