She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
