kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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