i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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