possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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