between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
