How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
