I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
