You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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