Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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