Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize