Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
