She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
