He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
