Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
