Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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