How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize