id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
