You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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