Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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