she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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