Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
