respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
