We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
