That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
