He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
