her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
