you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize