Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
