i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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