I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
