Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize