I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
