We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
