Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
