How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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