Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
