It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
