if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
