I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I want to fling myself into the sun
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
