It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize