His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
