a search helicopter?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
