ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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