Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
