was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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