i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
