I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
