i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
