So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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