I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
