If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
