bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
