It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
