He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
