If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize