Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize