I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love you.
Bad choice
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
