I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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