so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
