I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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