I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
