If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
a search helicopter?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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