i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
