I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize