i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
