god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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