And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
