Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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