i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
