This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
