What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
