We won't sleep together?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
